i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
