My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
