So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
