I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
