wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
