Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
