Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
