i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
