My room smells like vodka and shame
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
