how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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