Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
