you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
