I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
