I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
