U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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