You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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