Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
