so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize