If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
