Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
