so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
