the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
