i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
