...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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