don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
