we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
