Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
