You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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