you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
