Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How does it feel to date your dad?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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