gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize