Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
false alarm. still invincible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
