he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
