Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
