I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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