i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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