I faked an abortion last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
