I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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