Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
