Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
