you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize