she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
