just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize