If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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