If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
