smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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