i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
