Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize