Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
