Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
foreskin is a definite game changer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
