apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize