Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
