Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
