I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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