Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love accidental penises.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
