don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize