Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
