Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
