He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
