He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
