the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He has the fingertips of a God
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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