The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
