you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As shirtless as possible
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
