but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
