Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
