the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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