8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
