just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
