Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
