You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
