im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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