No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
