mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
