I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
