so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
