I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
