He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
