Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
pop tarts are not kleenex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
